Acceptance Vs Suffer

By Yaara Lokits

“The acceptance of reality is the only place from which change can begin.”

(Archbishop Desmund Tutu)

Suffering is a basic human condition. It is the painful gap between what we want and what there is. Acceptance is the remedy for this chronic human condition.

We do not control what rises within our lives, the only thing we can arguably control is the way we act and the way we think - perspective, acceptance.

For many years, I didn’t accept my sadness. I was ashamed from others as well as from myself - questioning the reasons I had to be sad, comparing it with the suffer my grandmother experienced during the holocaust, losing her whole family, not knowing if she was going to survive the next day. Following this unimagined life experience, she lived with laughter and joy. Why am I feeling low? What am I crying about? My reasons seemed like nonsense.

This comparison is unfair, but it was something the teenage me was doing constantly. I wanted to feel something else. To feel grateful for life, to enjoy who I am. This was not going to happen until I started accepting the sad parts of myself. Accepting that I did have some difficult life experiences and that I’m allowed to hurt. At times I was certain the sadness is who I am, and that this is forever.

Only after some years of practicing acceptance - allowing the pain to exist without judgment, knowing that this too shall pass, and it does not define me, noticing that even when I’m coloring the day as black - it has many colors within it. Only then, accepting the pain, I began feeling the suffering get weaker and weaker. I was still experiencing painful emotions, but no longer angry at them.

There are many tools that can be used to help with accepting these hard experiences, moreover let me assure you - pain is part of life. It just doesn’t have to hurt that much. Once suffering, I didn’t only feel the pain I experienced at the moment, but also the pain of not being happy, the fear that this would be my whole life, and the shame that this is who I am. Nowadays, the pain, the sadness, is just another emotion, and as everything else, it is temporary.

I would love to offer, except for practicing mindfulness, yoga, sports and arts - another technique that helped me. When facing a difficult situation:

1. Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do to change it?

2. If there is and you’re ready: Act on it, taking action will make you feel better.

3. If there’s nothing you can do right now, ask yourself: What would my best friend tell me to ease my pain? Say it to yourself in front of the mirror or in writing. Give yourself a hug.

Accepting the pain exists, is already taking a step towards living peacefully with it.